just_friend235

Creeps on Yahoo always tend to pop up out of nowhere, pretend to be your friend and strike you like a snake.

Been talking to somebody named just_friend235 on and off for awhile now, guess I pissed him off cause I would never turn my cam on for him like he wanted. So today I was eating lunch, he asked me what I was doing, told him I was eating lunch.. he said a BBW is eating? That is not all he said. His comments got very rude and crude and he got very mean, all the while saying he liked heavier women. Why? So he can abuse them?
I absolutely hate people who think that because one has some extra weight on themselves all they do is sit around all day long and stuff their faces. In fact, most days I am lucky if I eat one meal a day. But on my mother side of the family, almost all the women have carried extra weight.

At least physicians these days realize that weight can be genetic. So for those of us who have carried extra weight all of our lives.. we have at least made baby steps in the medical community.

So to those of you who snicker behind fat/heavy people's backs. To those of you who teach your children to laugh at fat people.. well shame on you. God made all of us different, just like He made different skin colors.




Love,
embrisa/pamela

Missing You..

I slept really well last night, I guess because I had a full day yesterday. With only having a few hours sleep the night before, before I had to wake up and go to the Ophthalmologist and finding out I now need a low level reading reading glasses mixed in with my normal glasses. blah. Which kind of sucked since I had to go spend $600 bucks on two pair of glasses, one being just a semi-cheap pair of sunglasses.

I did wake up to the phone ringing, but by the time I reached it they were gone. I knew it was my roommate cause of caller ID, I guess calling to tell me would not be going to see my mother and father's grave with me but would be working instead. When returned the phone call, that is what it was indeed.

I felt very messy emotionally and had to sit and cry for awhile. I knew in my heart I missed Lano very badly. I even tried to call his phone number and let it ring a few times before hanging up, surely did not want his mother to answer. Don't know why I rang it in the first place. Maybe I thought on some wayyyyy out level he missed me too and would dash to the phone to answer it. Yeahhh right. *smirks* like that would actually happen. Well, one can always dream I guess.

Anyway, after waking up and clearing the cobwebs from my brain the tears quit and I became more myself again. Got fresh water and some fresh summer air, felt much better.

Is love truly worth this heartache?

The heart knows....




Love and Light,
embrisa/pamela

Early Morning Blues

Well, I slept for a few minutes, sitting up like normal. *big frown* Woke up again with a fried neck. What I would not give for a massage. Ahhh that would feel soooo nice.

I have an appointment at the eye clinic at the Hospital at 9:30 am this morning, that means if I go to sleep now I would get approximately 2 hours of sleep. *laughs* boy oh boy. And unfortunately I do not feel like sleeping though I have a splitting headache. Probably from my poor sleeping habits and my neck ache.

Today while I am at the hospital I am going to find out about some massage therapy as well as accupunture and doing some classes on Tai Chi. I know the hospital used to offer them but then enough people were not interested. Perhaps they started them back up again. All I can do is check it out.
If not, perhaps that is some kind of place around town here that offers Tai Chi classes. *ponders.

Had a really busy day yesterday, spent most of it in the yard.. Taking care of plants and grass and things. I even had myself a barbecue. They are never much fun alone but the food was good. Made myself chicken and corn on the cob. Marinated the chicken in some kind of concoction I made up half the day before I put it on the grill. LOL.
Also, it was so funny, the grill is a small gas grill and I use foil. Well the chicken stuck to the foil, regardless of my constant turning of the stupid stuff and put little holes in the foil. *laughs* and the grease dripped down onto the little lava rocks and poof.. had big fire coming up from barbecue. Would not go down for nothing.
I need rest. Will write more later.



Love and Light,
embrisa/pamela

Sleep Number Bed

I don't know how many of You actually know what a "Sleep Number Bed" is, but here in the USA, they are advertised quite heavily on television and even have their own stores in the malls, etc.

I guess less than a year ago I bought one of these beds, they are pretty cool. Basically they are like an original bed but the insides do not have the original type mattress' with the springs sticking up to eventually pop up and stab you in the back or whatever but you un-zip the top part of the mattress then another part un-zips and inside of there are two like air mattress' that actually hook up to dual controls which are good if one is married so each partner can select the amount of air they want and supposably sleep better.

The thing with these beds is seperating each air mattress (for lack of a better word) is a piece of foam which is pretty stiff, I have to wonder how couples even sleep if they like to cuddle, one would actually have to sleep on this foam, and though I have a queen sized bed I like to actually sleep in an odd position, with my feet at say bottom left and my head at top right. So my body actually crosses the piece of core foam that is inside this bed. Every day I wake up sore and mucked up when I do sleep in the bed laying down.
Last night I decided I would try to sleep like a normal person with my body straight up and down and boy did I wake up sore. Headache, backache.. basically my whole body hurts. I hurt.

I pulled out my owners manual and called these people. They are going to send me a single 'core' bed. Meaning there will not be two air chambers in my bed. Right now I have two remote controls that work each side of the bed when this new chamber is put in, only one remote will work the bed and there will no longer be a form going down the middle of my bed.
I guess basically I will have like one big air mattress in my bed?

Anyway, the bed was very expensive and I called these people before and they offered me the same thing but I denied it because the bed was so expensive I guess I thought I would be cheated if only one remote worked or there was only one air chamber in there or something. But it seems my quality of sleep is more important than anything else.

This may account for why I sleep sitting up at times. I guess only time will tell. I think last time I waited almost a month for my mattress to come in. I hate waiting that long, but at least I know it is on its way and perhaps I did something positive for myself in the way of sleep.

Mucho love and light,
embrisa.

Snow Flakes In Her Eyes

I think I am completely lost and completely sick.

I have not felt this sick in my tummy in so long. But I know it is from nerves and general upset.
I know I talk alot about Chakras and stuff like that and feeling energy in my tummy area, etc. Here is a nice picture that kinda shows where one's charkas are located and some general information about them.



My dear friend from Slovenia showed back up in my life. I felt so happy that I did not even think twice about speaking to Him, about anything. I was just happy. He makes me happy. Unfortunately It was a good conversation that turned for the worse and my poor heart got mangled all over again.

I need to learn to leave these young men alone or something. I also must remember the old saying. "hurt me once, shame on You. Hurt me again, shame on ME."

I think everything was going so/so until again I told Him I do not masturbate online. Then He seemed to get a little snobby and told me I could turn off my webcam, so I did it. When I did it, my whole system shut down because it has been heating up again quite frequently just like it did before it went into the shop in the first place. *sigh* I only left it off long enough to take my medicines and switched it back on and went back into yahoo. He did not PM me, not a single hello, not a single welcome back.. nothing.
Maybe I expect too much? I do not know. Uggggh.
I waited maybe 1/2 hour or so before I pm'd Him and told him i was sorry for whatever I had done to make him so very upset at me and I would remove him from my pal list. He returned the PM and acted like he did not even know I had been gone? Gee what great company i am huh? I can be gone for 15 minutes and one does not even notice I am gone. LOL. *sniffs*

There is that pattern again, I like Him and He does not want jack diddly to do with me.

Of course, I simply adore every person I have in my life. I feel people are not placed in my life for not reason at all. Every body is placed in my life, in my path for some reason. To teach me something, to show me something? Who knows, and yes, even online friends.

Anyway, I think after Mr. Slovenia.. I will no longer try my luck with men for a long long while. I am done. Finished.
I know for Mr. Slovenia what took place did not hurt him as long as he was able to turn around and find somebody to get off with. But it did hurt me and it did make me cry.

So no more men, just friends.. it is easier and safe that way. No heartache or liars. No nothing.




Love & Light,
Embrisa/pamela

Puppy Dog Tails

This morning when I logged on to Yahoo my 'friend'? from Slovenia was there and asked me where I disappeared to yesterday. I had just woken up from a long nights of sleep and did not feel much like beating around the bush so I told him exactly why I left yesterday.

He acted as if he was cool with everything I had said and told me he was not going anywhere. Yet after that he went very silent and then claimed that his work just called and suddenly 'needed' him and he had to go. His goodbyes were swift and I really do not expect to hear from him again.

So I guess in the end, he was just looking for Yahoo 'sex' like the rest of them. *sic* It is alright. At least I told what I did and did not want and he bascially did not have the guts to stand like a man and say he was looking for that, so goodbye.. he had to go about it in the way a chump would do it, so it is better off that once again I am one less friend short.

Yesterday ended up being a very full day for me. Ran lots of errands and went to Walmart Superstore to the garden shop, I wanted roses for the flower bed in the back yard. Right away found a lonesome rosebush called "Angel face" almost dead :-( but showed pictures of it on the tag and described it as light purple roses. For some reason "she" just called out to me, but roommate was having a fit, "don't buy that dead thing." So I talked to the lady in the garden shop and she assured me if i kept the receipt and it died I could bring it back. Also gave me some hints about cutting it back, giving it rose food and making sure it had lots of water. So I bought it despite my roommates complaints. :-)
We also got a beautiful blooming yellow rose bush, various bulbs, columbines (which are the State flower for Colorado and so beautiful), hmmm so many plants I cannot think of them all right now - oh even some sweet tomato plants. *grins*
But unfortunately, roommate had to leave soon for work for a few days so even though it was almost 90 degress outside we had to planet all the flowers and bulbs. agggh. Though we did get into a small water fight which was fun and cooled us both off. I even got a slight sunburn which don't look so bad, gives me some color to my poor pale face. LOL.

Never make someone Your Priority~
While You remain Their Option!



Love & Light,
Embrisa/Pamela

Polly Wanna Cracker?

This morning, I feel i've gone slightly "cracker".

I have the weirdest, saddest, mixed up energy in my gut I've felt in a long time. It is not even depression I feel, just something else, more distant, more sad.. hard to explain.

I woke up feeling this way and the feeling has only gotten stronger as the night has wore on.

I also once again feel great disappointment with a person I chatted with online at Yahoo. I chatted with Him a few times now. He lives in Slovenia and I found Him very delightful and fun to chat with. But tonight, he seemed just like all the other men (well almost all) on Yahoo.. only interested in one thing - sex.
I think I just shook my head sadly as tears ran down my face and politely logged off without so much of a kiss off or a goodbye.
Why do men have to be this way? I do not understand! Can't they like us for who we are? Or do we have to be sex objects?

Love & Peace
embrisa

The Need

It seems like my famous mood has struck me again. My need to write in the middle of the night. To get the unknown off my chest. Maybe someday I will actually hit upon what is hiding deep within the recesses of my soul and this need will disappear, I do not know.

It feels when I am sitting here, doing whatever I am doing, suddenly I have a desperate need to write, to get something out. But when I come to write - I am suddenly lost. Lost in thought, emotions - just lost, until I have no idea what that part of me needed to get out. Odd that is.

I found out tonight that my friend from the UK who moved to the USA, that I mentioned In a previous post has been reading my blogger. It makes me feel kind of weird to know somebody has been reading my blogger, but I know lots of people visit and read my blogger so I guess it is just something I need to get over with. Now if only the occasional person would leave a comment or two, perhaps I would not feel so strange. :-) (hint hint, come on folks - speak up. LOL.)
Anyway, my friend in the USA who moved from the UK with his wife - hmm seems we need to give him a name... how about SM, yes SM seems to be a good nick name for him.
Last night, I had the opportunity to chat with His wife on Yahoo. I found her to be a very nice, loving lady. I hit it off with her right away, something I don't do with most people. Found it very easy to open up to her regarding all kinds of things in my life, just as I hope she found it easy to chat with me. So it seems both she and her husband are equally nice folks and I am blessed to have them both in my life.
Though I have known SM longer and on some level feel he is a much more realistic person than she is. I feel he hides a lot of his true emotions on some level and is afraid of what she/his wife will think of him if he were to actually tell the whole truth of who he his to his wife.
It makes me feel sad for Him in a way. Sometimes, even though we love our partners deeply, we can still be stuck in situations are not 100% favorable for us and that is the feeling I get when I talk to Him.
At any rate, it is not my place to tell how I might feel or don't feel about his relationship. Something I do find mighty peculiar about our conversations though is when he is finished talking to me he leaves the window open and goes to sleep, like he wants his wife to find it and read it though at times we talk about some very personal things. I guess there are just some things I will be able to speak to him about and some things I will not be able to talk to him about. End of story.

On another topic, it is saturday morning and I want to talk to Lano soooo bad. I've actually thought about calling Lano's pone number but I know it is not in my best interest. Most likely his mother will answer and I will just hear a bunch of lies anyway. Lano is working. Lano is jacking off somewhere *laughs*. Whatever excuse she makes, Lano will be doing something, anything, but not available for talk.. so why try? Even if i did get through to him, what would I say? Why do you continue to lie to me? hah. Really there is no point in calling except for more self-abuse.
If anything, I really need to work on getting this guy out of my heart and mind, not sitting here pouting cause I cannot call Him.

Oh my Beloved: Take me, Liberate my soul, Fill me with Your Love!

Love and Light
embrisa/pamela