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Sunday, January 22, 2012

What does submission look like?

Yesterday i was asked the question:  I am curious to know when you find yourself imagining yourself in submission, what does it look like to you?

and i replied..

When i imagine myself in submission, it looks and feels very safe, warm, and loving. Unlike any love i've ever known. i know that i can trust Him with my deepest and darkest secrets needs and desires and know He will never use any of those against me.

 i can smell the sweat of lust and desire. being bound tightly yet feeling as if i am flying, freerer than i've ever been. the smell of leather as it dances across my body, it leaves me gasping and crying out, yet i feel His hand as he traces each angry, red welt left upon my skin. It teethers me to this earth, to this place.. to Him.

 i know that the pain He bestows upon me, pleases Him, for i can see His erection, and i want nothing more in the world than to please Him. When i hear His moans, it brings me great pleasure. When i feel His fingers running through my hair and He pushes His stiffness into my mouth, i happily lick, suck and probe until He pulls away, leaving me breathless and in need of more.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Life at Collarme...

Times have certainly changed in the time i have been away from the BDSM Scene. I am absolutely impressed with the community as a whole. More and more people in the scene have a great deal of knowledge, wit and they think in whole sentences, which is good. Most men you might meet out there, you are often lucky if they can spell the word 'dog' let alone speak some dialogue.. But the more i read people's bios and journals. i see this isn't so much true with many of these folks. Don't ask me what made me think of this, cuz i seriously do not know. I was just thinking in general about things i've been impressed with since I've been back.

Something else i've noticed about the community is that they are a very open and lovable group of people.  They don't knock you down and beat you up if you are a few pounds overweight <---something i am. I mean yeah, men have their preference and of course, everybody wants to feel some kind of attraction to their potential mate.. so yeah. But what i mean is, i receive more mail there from soooo many men who do not hold it against me. It is like they have matured on some deeper level than most, perhaps because of what their lifestyle has caused them to become, whatever the case. i like it. i like to be accepted. And perhaps there are people around who do not find you (me) attractive, but if i reach out to them, they treat me as a gentleman and acknowledge me and what i am saying and respond in kind. (forums) without any sort of rude comments or put-downs. The way most of us sane adults want to be treated, but rarely are. It is like a breath of fresh air and i like it.

I definitely have my eyes on a couple different Dom's on there. A younger Dom male, by about 8 years.. but he is VERY handsome and also lives in Colorado..  which is a good thing. My only problem with this man, is that i think he is just too DOM for me.  I don't think i am at a point in my explorations where i am even remotely looking for 24/7/365 full time slave position. Then there is one who is older by about 4 years and he is definitely not the best thing on earth to look at but he has the biggest heart and love just kind of exudes out of his pores along with his jovial attitude. He is not a hard-core Dom, enjoys romance but lives in AZ and is not in the best of health with some issues that may very well inhibit his desire to travel.  
Since i too believe, it is the heart one must look at if they seek true love.. i will have to pick the 2nd one.
I am curious as to why i would do that though when the first one is not only closer but healthier and able to get around. They both seem to have good hearts. i believe i am afraid because the first one is a great deal more demanding of His submissive. Why am i so afraid to explore that side of me?

Peace, love and some kind of dang applesauce.

Something cute i found!

Friday, December 30, 2011


Without the inclination, the yearning would never take seed..
Without taking seed, the blossom would never find Her light.. Without Her light, the flower would not be nourished..
Without nourishment, the withering of the soul begins..
Without the soul, the species becomes hollow and dry..
Without the blossom taken to fruition.. tendered,
treasured, nurtured and loved.. the Gardner has no purpose.
Just a little thought for the night.
Funny how I found this blog again, after many years of not writing here. It happened the other night, I was playing on the web, looking at something.. when poof.. i was taken to an old D/s website that I used to frequent. Something I haven't looked at or even thought about since the last time I wrote here. I gave up on that world and the hopes of ever finding a Master who could love me for me. So much has happened and changed in my life.. some for the better, much of it for the worst.
So, looking for any kind of Master, much less even thinking about sex.. just was not happening. So it surprised me when i landed on that website. Then I hit another key and bam, i was brought here.. back to my old days when I thought I loved somebody named Lano
sooo much. *laughs* and bitched about Dominant men's lack of self-esteem. hah. Too fucking funny.
But it makes me wonder.. why those old thoughts and desires just popped up on my screen.
I miss writing. What I do write, i put it on paper. I've always enjoyed holding paper and pen in my hands vs. punching a keyboard.. any day. Just as i enjoy holding a book when i read vs. reading it over a computer screen.
Anyway, the minute i logged in there.. messages began coming in.. some nice, some still the same old bullshit. The guy/Dom (if you can call him that, cuz in my book he is no Dom, just
an abuser) sends you a note.. "hey bitch.. get down on your knees and worship my cock"
OMG.. I don't even know this person.. never seen him a day in my life.. yet he expects ME to kneel down and worship his dirty cock? blah.. but hey, you know.. you are submissive so you don't say that.. you respond nicely "uhm i'm sorry but i do not know you, so why would i want to worship you in any way?" LOL.. if you can call that nice.. but hey, at least there is some manners in there. Then beep.. another message from the ass.. "blahblahblah.. well in my eyes,even if you don't know me, you should worship my cock and because you won't.. you aren't no damn submissive." So there you have it.. the mentality of wannabes. Yep, they still exist..
what, did i really think that kind of person wouldn't be out, searching for his next victim..
stupid of me to think they wouldn't be around anymore. Maybe i just chose to forget those types of people exist. whatever..
And the lacking of self-confidence.. well, that is still there too. Got a letter from an old man of 65 years old.. so i think OK.. he sounds nice enough.. we share a few letter.. but every time i did not answer immediately, he assumed he had done something wrong. I spent most of my time assuring him he said nothing wrong and that at times I checked my messages while i was at work, if i had minutes to spare.. but it never gave me the time to sit and write out any kind of reply..and when i got home.. i sat down, ate some dinner and vegged out with the TV and the dog i didn't see all day and missed.. and after sitting all day in front of a computer screen while at work, i just didn't feel the urge to sit immediately down in front of a computer just to write him.. so he wouldn't feel he had done something wrong. I mean sheesh. Give me a break. Yet, time after time.. i would write and write.. and i was curious.. so i'd ask him a question about himself.. no answer.. no answer.. just his one line little replies.. cuz he was too busy entertaining every other woman on there that would stroke his puny ass ego. So i asked him, why do you always avoid any questions i asked you. You know what he basically said.. fuck off. He didn't want to know me anymore.. fine. whatever. obviously the old coot had something to hide or he would of spoke about himself and his life, IF he was really interested in getting to know an honest submissive.
Sooo.. another bad thing, just did not disappear.. these so-called Doms and their low self-esteem are still around as well.
What I want to truly know.. is how in the world can a truly Dominant man have zero self-esteem, yet.. still consider himself a Dom. It is a contradiction in and of itself. Pure and simple.
You aren't going to spank my ass if you don't have any self confidence or self-esteem. get real. these are part of all the reasons I left this lifestyle to begin with.. yet, some weird coicidence brings me right back to it.
So here I sit, a broken down submissive..that has run away from the very thing she desires the most.. because of assholes. Should i be more ashamed of them or of myself? I wonder..

Monday, November 26, 2007

Reality TV..

Yes, I am a true fan of Reality TV. *laughs*  For years, I did not watch television at all and then when I went back and took a look and seen this thing called Reality TV, I was hooked.

Some of my favorite current reality TV shows are:

  1. The Hills
  2. There's something about Miriam
  3. Real World - Sydney

   The Hills would have to be my favorite reality TV shows at the moment.

   I have watched this show for approximately 3 seasons now, or since it became its own show. I do believe the first season that had Lauren in it was Laguna Beach. (that was also a good show if you like a lot of drama and I must since I liked Laguna beach as well as The Hills.)

   You truly have to sit and laugh, or perhaps shake your head at all the drama that takes place on this show.  It seems this season has been a lot of drama between Lauren, Heidi and Spencer. (The dweeb)

   Last season Heidi met Spencer and that is when the sh*t started hitting the fan.  Spencer thought he was so good looking that he could get any woman and while wooing Heidi, he would also be off flirting with other women in the clubs. (though nothing became of it)  Of course, Lauren found out what Spencer was up to and this started her "Hate" affair with him and eventually broke up her friendship with Heidi.

During this previous summer, Lauren was off living in some sea-side beach place with Jason (who is now her ex and since he became engaged to another girl you NEVER hear a single word about him anymore) which left Heidi alone at their apartment all summer long.

During that time somebody spread some vicious rumors about Lauren and Jason that they had made sex movies and on and on. (sheesh sometimes the drama is too stupid to deal with) So now Heidi and Spencer is getting all the blame for starting those rumors, though Heidi swears up and down they had nothing to do with it.

Now this season has been mostly about the Lauren, Heidi and Spencer drama with other bits and pieces thrown in so we all don't become so bored that we fall over from exhaustion. hah.

So what does everybody think?  Did Heidi and Spencer start the sex tape rumors or was it somebody else?

I'm curious...


Tuesday, November 01, 2005

More On Dominant Men

As I sit here this 1st day of November, I can hear massive groups of Ducks flying over my house. I suppose they are flying south for the winter, or wherever ducks do go when winter time hits.
I always thought they stuck around since there is a duck hunting season *frowns* and perhaps some ducks do? I have no idea in all honesty LOL. But it is cool to look out the window and see just hundreds of ducks flying, wherever to they are going. They also sound awesome, their cute little 'duck' call. LOL. uhm.

In my last post, I wrote about Dominant men and how most of them do not seem to have any kind of self-confidence. It seems i've been doing a lot of bitching about men as of late and I have no idea why, but for some reason their attitudes and requests are beginning to really irk me off.

For instance, I had a Master in Yahoo send me an IM last evening. He seemed nice enough and we both shared similar feelings on how we thought most people in the D/s scene on Yahoo seem only to be game players. (it seems he has experienced much of what I experience with so-called Dominant men, he experiences with many submissive ladies)

So I thought, okay, this guy sounds nice enough (oh no, not again! not another.. he sounds nice enough...) so we added each other to our buddy lists before I said my goodnights.

When I logged on this afternoon, he was STILL here, so I sent him a little teaser - meant as a joke as I added the hehehe to the end to let him know i was only teasing him.
I got back the most vile message. He told me true submissive women do NOT Laugh!!?? Amongst other crap.. oh geee.
So NOW i am not supposed to laugh cause I am submissive?? What a joke! Who does he think he is anyway? Obviously NOBODY!
By this time i was angry, very angry and I told him that I hope that he searches FOREVER for another submissive - as any lady, submissive or not.. should not allow anybody to take away her gift of laughter.

So many of us submissive ladies online and otherwise, has been hurt badly in our lives and most of us are lucky that we are still able to laugh, that we are able to see the funny things in life and still be able to laugh at it and yet we have some jerk, wanna-be Master? to tell us we are not allowed to laugh if we are indeed true submissives. Who in the h*ll does he think he is anyway?

Everyday the crap only gets deeper and deeper on Yahoo. The men are becoming more and more vile and hateful. They act like they are the gift to all women, heck they are so great they are even a great gift to God Himself!
*shakes her head*
Just one day i'd like to be able to come on here and cheer and yell that I have indeed met a 'real' Master who doesn't have to abuse, who doesn't have to take away or deny a submissive her most tiniest of lifes gifts.

When and if that day ever comes, I shall post it here.. but i am beginning to seriously doubt there is a Master out there like that.

Where is the good men? Where is the laughter and joy that life is supposed to be and bring?

embrisa~ the temptress!

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Dominant Men

Something that i have noticed about Dominant men as of late.. and that is they have absolutely no self-confidence and very little self-worth.

This bothers me. How can a person call themselves Dominant yet have no self-confidence or self-worth?

I've always known that submissives (most) seem to have common traits but I never realized so did Doms. Perhaps this is just something that online Doms seem to suffer from but how can they even begin to properly Dominate when they cannot even take care of their basic mental functions? How could they possibly take care of mine or my sexuality and why would i even want them to?

To me, a Man or Master who has no self-confidence or self-worth is somebody who:
1. Gets angry if one does not answer them within 1/2 second.
2. They can give criticism, but if you dare say something back to them they get all bent out of shape over it.
3. They are always putting the blame on somebody else but where it rightly belongs.
4. They show any signs of being an abuser.
5. They drink or use drugs excessively.
6. They get bent out of shape if you deny them any kind of sexual encounter.

The list could go on and on, but I don't want to play that game either. We all know what i am talking about.

Oh and something else i found to be very true.. if they run around with a nickname like "gentle Master" or "loving Dom" or any nick that makes them seem nice or loving -- 'usually' they are the exact opposite. I have no idea why this works the way it does, but just from my personal experiences.. if they make claims of being gentle, loving, whatever.. usually they are just full of crap.

With all these losers, it is no wonder i miss Lano, the biggest loser of them all.

LOL - okay, i am done venting for now. When i am not in such a huff I will come back and re-do this so it makes more sense, for now.. i just gotta scream, f*ck off!!!