*laughs* "Who The Quizzes Say I am"

I thought this might be kind of fun. Some of these quizzes are pretty hilarious and fun to share with others. Though I doubt anybody reads these blogs but me, at least interesting to go back and look at for future references, maybe take the test at a later date and see if i changed any? ha.
Only putting the ones where I agree with the outcome, yes, even the harsh ones. boohoo.
So here is one i thought was interesting..What is my Element? hmm. Agree with almost all this one has to say about me.

Your Element Is Water

A bit of a contradiction, you can seem both lighthearted and serious. That's because you're good at going with the flow - but you also are deep. Highly intuitive, you tune in to people's emotions and moods easily. You are able to tap into deep emotional connections and connect with others. You prefer a smooth, harmonious life - but you can navigate your way around waves. You have a knack for getting people to get along and making life a little more peaceful.

What's Your Element?

LoL, okay.. here is a good one. My real name is Pamela. So what is my Irish name? *grins*

Your Irish Name Is...

Eva O'Leary

What's your Irish Name?

This next one is most definitely me. *sniffle* Always knew I was co-dependent.

You May Be a Bit Dependent ...

You're more than a little preoccupied with being abandoned. You need a lot of support in your life, at all times. It's difficult for you to survive on your own...And you don't reallly think you ever could.

What Personality Disorder Are You?

Your Seduction Style: The Natural

You don't really try to seduce people... it just seems to happen. Fun loving and free spirited, you bring out the inner child in people. You are spontaneous, sincere, and unpretentious - a hard combo to find! People drop their guard around you, and find themselves falling fast.

What Is Your Seduction Style?

Your Inner European is Dutch!

Open minded and tolerant. You're up for just about anything.

Who's Your Inner European?

Gone To H*ll In A HandBasket!

It seems when I do not take the time to sit here and write out my feelings, things go from bad to worse for me all over again.
I still think I was born under a bad sign or am cursed or just have pure bad bad karma to deal with and as I stated in an earlier post, I just don't get the karma business when I have never been anything but gentle and loving to most the people in my life, even to the people who constantly kick me in the teeth, over and over again. and yes, I could see having karmic debt from a past life to deal with - but my deeds and sickness I must face everyday of my life certainly must account for some of my past deeds. JUST GIVE ME A BREAK!! PLEASE!

Lets see, about my Toshiba laptop that croaked after only owning it for 3 months and yes, it was brand new, out of the box. It sat at the Toshiba warranty center almost 2 weeks before they ever got around to touching it. Finally the man called me and told me PART of the problem was caused by static electricity, because I still had the plastic cover on the top of it. doh. Don't know how he came to that conclusion when he told me the other problem was caused by a hard drive failure. Complete and total failure. He asked me if I wanted any data off of it, since I had not backed it up, like a dummy.. and all my email addys, pictures and stuff were on there.. though he could not back up no programs at all he wanted to charge me $150 dollars just to recover a small amount of data. Bascially emails and pictures. But I told him okay anyway. But I guess it was not for me to worry, or to have those email addys or pictures because he later called back and said he could not recover no data off that hard drive, that is how shot it was.
I thought maybe in the future I could take it to a data recovery place or something and asked him, well that hard drive (the old one) is bascially mine isn't it? So you could send it to me when you return my fixed computer to me? OH no no, we have to return this non-working hard drive back to toshiba or they charge us full price for the hard drive. sheesh. well okay. The only way was for me to leave him a credit card and if I did not return the old hard drive back to them in a specific amount of time then they would charge my credit card for the full price of a brand new hard drive. What a bunch of BS as far as i'm concerned. I never heard of such a thing in my life and think he was just giving me any answer that would help him get bucks out of me or no data recovery.
Then he let me know that he would be sending me back my computer, with the new hard drive installed on it, but it would be completely blank. In order for it to have Windows installed on it or any of the toshiba programs that came pre-installed on it, it would cost me ANOTHER $50 bucks. Gee. these people are like blood suckers, only money suckers - which is just as bad. Funny how it is supposed to have a 1 year unlimited warranty on it but for every little thing they do, besides just fixing the very basics, which means troubleshooting the problem and fixing it everything else above and beyond that they want to charge you an arm and a leg.
I also told the man, it sure is funny that a hard drive is going to fail after only 3 months. He said not really, that hard drives are the most replaced part on a computer. Well it is funny that i've owned computers since about 1991 and in all that time NEVER had a hard drive fail on me. Had plenty of power supplies and fans go out on me but never a hard drive.
One thing I can say for certain, I will NEVER EVER buy from Toshiba again.

Enough of that. What else? Well, my roommate got taxes done and got stuck owing IRS like over 6 thousand dollars. That puts my roommate in one heck of a b*tchy mood and takes it all out on me. Really I am at the end of my rope in this situation as well. I've started looking for a little one bedroom apartment for myself, my kitty and my fish.
I've never lived on my own and think it would be nice to live on my own. Nobody else's BS to put up with. Nobody else's mood to deal with, just my own. Free to be me. Who i am when I want to be. I think i'd pass out not having to deal with another person's trippy moods. Just my own is enough to deal with at times.
It would be a complete lifestyle change for me, but nothing that I do not think I can handle. If anything I think it would make me more stronger and much more reliant upon myself. Something I need!
I am so sick of people pushing me around. Telling me how to do things, how not to do things. Arrgh!!

My sleep has went totally down the tubes again. I think I sat up for two nights in a row, only falling asleep when I would pass out sitting up. *wake me up inside, can't wake up, call my name and save me from the nothing I've become. bring me to life. Frozen inside without your love, without your touch* Last night I did try to sleep like a normal person and then the phone rang at 3:30am in the morning. I was so angry I called the number back that showed up on my caller ID and was NOT nice. Asked the girl, why are you calling my house in the middle of night? she said, who is this? *laughs* again, i was angry and just said.. why you calling my house in the middle of the night.. finally she said, I was trying to get ahold of my mom. I said obviously you dialed wrong and at 3:30 in the morning you should be more careful about the numbers you are dialing and slammed the phone down and no, i did not feel bad for acting like such a moron because AGAIN, i was awake.. like a dweeb.

I still have not wrote Lano's mother a thank you note or anything. Still not sure what I should do. *laughs* It is an internal battle. Part of me wants to do nothing at all then there is this good girl inside of me that says I should at least write and say thank You for the good birthday wishes. blah. Whatever I do, i better do it soon because I can't send a thank you note a month later.. now that would seem weird.

I'm done for now. I need fresh cold water and see how the day is going, it is almost noon here.

Peace and Love,
Embrisa/Pamela.

Something Beautiful

I saw this quote and thought, Gee, this is me and how beautiful it is....

"I can't get mad at You for hurting me over and over again cause over and over again I let You."

*big frown*

Days Of Our Lives

I've been sleeping much better lately. Don't know why or How, but I will not complain about it - Just be thankful for every bit of sleep I do manage to get.

Maybe my heartbreak over Lano is slowly healing where I can sleep or maybe Lano's attentions are on something else now and he has more important things to do than sit and throw negativity towards me.

Sometimes it feels as if my heart is healing, other times, like this morning I sat and just cried like a baby. I still miss him sometimes. Even though he was a drunk and a liar, he had some good qualtities about him as well. Like he just did not treat me like a sex object. He actually had things to talk about other than sex all the time and I liked that and miss it alot. Sometimes it feels I will never find a man like that again. It makes my heart very sad and brings tears to my eyes.
Maybe he didn't treat me like a sex object because he was too drunk all the time to care much about sex. Drunks usually lose their sex drive, or at least most of it. But no matter, I still miss the conversations.
I'm not even 100% sure why I miss the conversations. Usually he talked only about himself and how crappy his life was and how sick he was today, or yesterday or a month ago... depended on how long it had been since I had last spoken to him.
Or he would sit and brag about how great he treated the black people at work while everybody else just turned their backs on them or how he was going to become a Muslim. OMG.
I always wondered.. If he can treat all these people so great and so wonderful, why does he treat me like a dog in a cage? Never got my answer and guess I never will. Guess it was my fate to go through this with a guy like him. Why? Guess i'd have to ask God and he isn't talking either.

Anyway, I had my good cry over my lose of Lano this morning. Now i feel a bit lighter and better in my heart.. maybe for a time.

The snow we got from yesterday is DEEP and cold. brrr. I have no idea how much of the white stuff we actually got but they were saying on the news up to 12 inches and it actually looks like there could be 12 inches of snow out there. Now all I need is a snow plow because I am NOT going out there to shovel that much snow.

Last night I felt in a mood to cook so I cooked myself a pot of Italian style wedding meatballs and spinach in a chicken broth. Turned out pretty good. I never cooked it before and followed the directions from a recipe. I wasn't that turned on by the italian style meatballs, don't know why they call them "wedding style" except maybe they are small. LOL.
So I ate a bowl of the stuff and have a pot left over in the refrigerator that will probably end up getting thrown out, since I will never eat it again. I just am not very turned on by meat anymore and I don't know why. Kind of like milk. I used to love milk, now I won't touch the stuff with a 10 foot pole. Both just make me feel ill when I eat/drink them. Yuck.
So even though I am a diabetic and pasta style stuff is not good for me, it seems it is all my tummy can handle these days. Not even pasta sauce, ewww. So seems I am limited to bits of pasta, fresh salad and fruits and that is about it for me as far as food goes. Oh and since I am a lover of garlic and cannot find garlic bread in the grocery store (seems I am the only one who loves garlic bread) i've been making my own garlic bread lately in my bread machine.

I took the betta who was in the tiny cup, the one who's bowl broke on me and I put him in the 10 gallon fish tank and even though I did not wait the entire 3 or 4 days one is supposed to wait before adding fish, he seems to be doing well. But he seems kind of sneaky. There is a divider in there so eventually I can add the other betta and they will not kill each other.. but I look one minute and the sneaky little thing is on the other side of the divider, then I will look again and he is back on the other side again. Odd that is. I cannot figure out how he is getting back and forth and when I watch him, though I am clear across the room he doesn't go back and forth.. waits till all my attention is on something else and makes his way back to the other side. Seems I will either have to get a new divider that actually works or forget about putting the other betta in there. *frowns*

Ahahah!! I busted him going to the other side. One swift swoosh near the bottom of the divider and he was to the other side. hmm. interesting. Well, I guess I need a new divider or can piss off putting the other betta in there. *grumbles to herself* He doesn't seem to like the other side very much though. *laughs* it is kind of funny. He looks misplaced, or should I say, acts it. Maybe it is because the filter is on that side and he don't know what to think of it. He calms back down when he gets back to his own side. Weird little fishy creature he is.

Well I guess it is time for this one to go start her day. I love to write each day, seems to take away some of my stresses and writing here helps me to save paper. Don't know how many diaries I have filled up, but I have half a book shelf of them. I guess there is some good and bad to both ways. I still jot down the real personal stuff in my paper diary, especially my poetry and my hard emotions I just would never want anybody else to ever read.

Love and Light,
Embrisa/Pamela.

What Are Your Beliefs? Take A Quiz. LOL.

*Laughs* You can tell that this quiz was put together by somebody who had motives? Don't think I ever been told I had one ounce of Satanism in me before. Actually I took a quiz like this on a more reputable site, one where the users do not make up the quizzes and the answer turned out a whole lot different. I do enjoy Buddhism. Could not believe it rated me the same for Christianity and Islam, *makes horrible face* since I do not believe much in what muslims believe in. Oh well, it was a fun quiz anyway. heh. :-) Embrisa/Pamela You scored as Buddhism. Your beliefs most closely resemble those of Buddhism. Do more research on Buddhism and possibly consider becoming Buddhist, if you are not already. In Buddhism, there are Four Noble Truths: (1) Life is suffering. (2) All suffering is caused by ignorance of the nature of reality and the craving, attachment, and grasping that result from such ignorance. (3) Suffering can be ended by overcoming ignorance and attachment. (4) The path to the suppression of suffering is the Noble Eightfold Path, which consists of right views, right intention, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right-mindedness, and right contemplation. These eight are usually divided into three categories that base the Buddhist faith: morality, wisdom, and samadhi, or concentration. In Buddhism, there is no hierarchy, nor caste system; the Buddha taught that one's spiritual worth is not based on birth. Buddhism 88% Satanism 79% Hinduism 63% Paganism 58% Christianity 54% Islam 54% agnosticism 38% atheism 33% Judaism 33% Which religion is the right one for you? (new version) created with QuizFarm.com

The Day After!

Well, I am now officially 43 Years old. Eeeek!! Not sure how I should feel about being this age, but it seems to get easier. I remember when I turned 40. It was so tragic. I cried and cried and cried for days before and days afterwards.
But now it just does not seem so bad. It kind of feels what they say about women aging "like old wine" is true. We only get better with age. LOL. I have to wonder how true this is. But as long as I feel so, then aging cannot bother me. I guess as I get closer to 50, It will hit me again and the tears will come again with each birthday. (If I live that long.)

I woke up today to a snow storm. Not just any snow storm but a massive snow storm.


Day After My Birthday!


Day After Birthday Brrrrr

I got my fish stand yesterday and last night set up my 10 gallon fish tank. Talk about a hassle. The biggest hassle was putting in the divider. Since I have two bettas and they are fighter fish, they have to stay seperated. But it is all set up now and looks very good. I guess I have to wait 24 to 48 hours before I actually put the fish in. Make sure the filter system and heater is working properly, etc. blah. I will take some pics in a few days time and post one here.

It has been weighing heavily on my heart as what I should do about the birthday wishes Lano's mother sent me. Part of me doesn't want to do anything but ignore it, but the other part says it is not right just to ignore and should at least send a "thank you" note back.
But I am afraid if I send something back I will be really bad and tell her just what I think of her and her lying son.

Much Love & Light
embrisa/pamela