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Sunday, October 02, 2005

Dominant Men

Something that i have noticed about Dominant men as of late.. and that is they have absolutely no self-confidence and very little self-worth.

This bothers me. How can a person call themselves Dominant yet have no self-confidence or self-worth?

I've always known that submissives (most) seem to have common traits but I never realized so did Doms. Perhaps this is just something that online Doms seem to suffer from but how can they even begin to properly Dominate when they cannot even take care of their basic mental functions? How could they possibly take care of mine or my sexuality and why would i even want them to?

To me, a Man or Master who has no self-confidence or self-worth is somebody who:
1. Gets angry if one does not answer them within 1/2 second.
2. They can give criticism, but if you dare say something back to them they get all bent out of shape over it.
3. They are always putting the blame on somebody else but where it rightly belongs.
4. They show any signs of being an abuser.
5. They drink or use drugs excessively.
6. They get bent out of shape if you deny them any kind of sexual encounter.

The list could go on and on, but I don't want to play that game either. We all know what i am talking about.

Oh and something else i found to be very true.. if they run around with a nickname like "gentle Master" or "loving Dom" or any nick that makes them seem nice or loving -- 'usually' they are the exact opposite. I have no idea why this works the way it does, but just from my personal experiences.. if they make claims of being gentle, loving, whatever.. usually they are just full of crap.

With all these losers, it is no wonder i miss Lano, the biggest loser of them all.

LOL - okay, i am done venting for now. When i am not in such a huff I will come back and re-do this so it makes more sense, for now.. i just gotta scream, f*ck off!!!

embrisa

3 comments:

Sir J said...

embrisa. I followed the link from your Yahoo 360 account, the first few words of the article had got my attention.

I notice you are spiritual, something I am not, and when discussing this I always say "If you believe in yourself and your own strength, then why do you need to believe in a God", but each to their own. I think religion has many positive aspects. In a round about way I guess I am saying I agree with your comment about Dominants having no self worth or confidence.

I feel a lot of so called online Doms are actually control freaks, or little men trying to feel powerful over a woman, and yes, your list could go on and on, for instance you have left out lack of respect, expecting all women to be submissive to them just because they "say" they are Dominant. Surely a D\s relationship has to develop in the same way a vanilla relationship does, by communicating, building up trust, and being comfortable with each other. A womans submission should not be taken for granted, it is something that is given, offered, to the one she wants to be Dom.

I'm glad I caught the post before you had time to come back and redo it, I do not think it will have made me smile and nod so much rewritten

Keep safe

embrisa said...

SirJ, i appreciate Your comments and on most accounts could not agree with You more.

First, i'd like to clear up the term "spiritual".
Spiritual does not mean that one is a God freak or deeply into religion, since i have no religious affiliation. To me, religion has always been a source of great conflict in the world and has caused some of the worst hatred; including wars, killing others who believe differently than they do - for instance all the innocent people who died during the great witch trials, and even today the way muslims are killing innocents in the name of their Allah.
I have studied most world religions though and if i did have to chose a religion it would probably be Buddhism, for many reasons that i won't get into here.
I DO believe in God though, or perhaps a higher power.. i do acknowledge there is something much bigger than myself out there and within.

If You wish to truly know how i think, watch this: http://www.consciousone.com/friend/index.cfm?PID=148

Alas, this is a whole nother subject unto itself.

Regarding the Dominant men topic, i do have to agree with everything You said and could not of said it better myself.

You said alot of online Doms are actually control freaks, but aren't all Dominant people in some respect or another what one would consider a 'control freak'?
I definitely think there are different levels of this but ultimately ALL Doms are control freaks. That is part of what makes them Dominant? Perhaps i am totally wrong here but it seems that would have to be part of their personality.
Kind of like how you see big business tycoons who in their day to day life control companies, banks, etc.. and at the end of the day they go to visit a Mistress, to give up part of that control, just for awhile.
Very interesting, the minds of people. :-)

I do feel there is a right way and a wrong way to be a control freak though. For instance You mentioned how some Doms expect all women to be submissive to them just because they 'say' they are Dominant. Agree, have ran into more than my fair share of that type of Dom, but here again... they are going about being a 'control freak' in the wrong way. It does take time to build a relationship and even more so in the D/s world. We cannot trust just anybody to tie us up unless we don't value our own lives very much.

But the question that still bothers me, is what happened to these men's self-esteem?
Being a control freak, yes, seems kind of normal for one who is a Dom, again.. if done right. BUT having no self-esteem seems sooo out of place.
If one is going to be my Master, i want to know i can sit down and talk to Him about ANYTHING.. good, bad or indifferent but if He cannot even handle questions regarding Himself or perhaps why He does something the way He does without Him going off the deep end and cussing me out, having to belittle me or whatever.. well this person has NO right what so ever calling Himself a Dom much less a Master.

Sorry if none of that made sense, it is late and i am tired.
Thanks for sharing Your thoughts, i enjoyed them.
always, embrisa/pamela.

James said...

This is interesting, but I think just a bit prejudgemental. Dom's like any other group of people are all different. I do not have to deal with a lot of Dom's but what you are saying has been repeated to me by many subs. If what i have heard is true then self confidence is an unusual trait for Doms, one has to wonder why that would be. It would seem to me that having self confidence would be a necassary quailty in being a good Dom. I have had the spiritual discussion before and I believe that is more of a personal choice than a contributing factor in the Dom/sub relationship. The more important thing is that both parties needs be met, as with any relationship. The sexual need are of course the most intrigueing but by no means the most important. I do like to have a high level of control over a sub, and this takes lots of work and patients, and although control freak may be an acurate term it is not one that I would use. That may be the cruxt of the whole conversation the freak part, if you have control and can do this without being a freak maybe it's because you have the self confidence in what you are doing, and if you get freaky it's because you lack the self confidence.