My Little World

I want to talk to Lano this morning soooo bad I could just scream. Never felt so lonely for anybody in my whole life. My mind keeps seeing his face. Hearing his words and i miss him desperately.

It seems no man can be the friend he was, yet at the same time, make me desire him so much. Every man comes on too strong sexually for me and i do not like that. If he does not come on sexually, then it seems he is just a friend and there is no feelings at all. So all in all, i just miss Lano. I miss who he was and what he did to me and how he made me feel. (When he wasn't drinking that is) ha. *sigh*

Maybe my run in with Mr. Slovenia brought all this on, i do not know. But in general, i find men very piggish, very self -centered, so many things... and they all feel negative.

And some little mouse of a boy, somebody i barely know.. tonight when I had my cam on asked if he could see my cam if he let me see his. I thought okay, what is the big deal. *frowns* Not more than 5 minutes later he was asking if he could whack off on cam while I watched? I said no thank you. He replied, you are very into yourself aren't you?

Maybe i am? Maybe i need to lighten up in the sex area? I just do not know anymore. All my life, even as a teenager all my girlfriends were out getting laid and I was thinking, 'oh, i am going to save myself for my true prince charming' lol.

My prince charming ended up being some guy named 'ken' of all names.. who rode a harley. One of my brothers best friends. I fell madly in love with this guy when I was 12 years old! LOL and I loved him all the way till i was 23 years old.. when he drove me to a field, he was drunk.. basically ripped off my clothes, slobbered on my face these grimey kisses and had his way with me sexually. When he got done, he turned and looked and me and told me was marrying somebody else. pig.

So that is how I lost my virginity. Now i am 43 years old and can count the number of lovers i've had on one hand. I do not regret it either. I seen my friends have unwanted pregnancies, abortions, STD's and every other imaginable thing while I have never had to deal with anything like that.

Anyway, i actually prayed and tried to call lano. LOL. silly crap. But no answer. Just voice mail. I needed to hear his voice so bad but i guess the powers above just don't want that to happen. humph. *Laughs* faith can be so funny sometimes.. I actually got this thing i the mail today.. yes, snail mail.. not email.. it said on it.
1. never step over a broom laying on the floor, if you do and are unmarried you will stay that way. *interesting*
2. When moving into a new home, a loaf of bread and a new broom should be sent in first for good luck. *another interesting one*
3. It is back luck to take a broom across water. *what is it with this broom stuff?*
4. Never lean a broom against a bed?
5. To keep a ghost out, lean a broom against the door jam. *hmmm*
6. to give away a used broom is bad luck?
7. oh, to drop a broom means company is coming. lol.
8. A broom should never be used to sweet dust out of the front door, because it sweeps the luck out with it. *sounds very fung shu'ish to me*
9. Never sweep a house a night. It is an insult to the faeries and the spirits of the dead. *eeeks.. i often vacuum in the night time.*
10...well you get the point i hope. lol.

maybe if i would of thrown the broom out the back door, towards the moon.. and jumped around the yard on one foot Lano would of answered his phone at work? lol.
One never knows. hah.

Enough of my crap babbling for now. I'm going ..

Peace and Love
and watch those brooms..
embrisa/pamela.