The Need

It seems like my famous mood has struck me again. My need to write in the middle of the night. To get the unknown off my chest. Maybe someday I will actually hit upon what is hiding deep within the recesses of my soul and this need will disappear, I do not know.

It feels when I am sitting here, doing whatever I am doing, suddenly I have a desperate need to write, to get something out. But when I come to write - I am suddenly lost. Lost in thought, emotions - just lost, until I have no idea what that part of me needed to get out. Odd that is.

I found out tonight that my friend from the UK who moved to the USA, that I mentioned In a previous post has been reading my blogger. It makes me feel kind of weird to know somebody has been reading my blogger, but I know lots of people visit and read my blogger so I guess it is just something I need to get over with. Now if only the occasional person would leave a comment or two, perhaps I would not feel so strange. :-) (hint hint, come on folks - speak up. LOL.)
Anyway, my friend in the USA who moved from the UK with his wife - hmm seems we need to give him a name... how about SM, yes SM seems to be a good nick name for him.
Last night, I had the opportunity to chat with His wife on Yahoo. I found her to be a very nice, loving lady. I hit it off with her right away, something I don't do with most people. Found it very easy to open up to her regarding all kinds of things in my life, just as I hope she found it easy to chat with me. So it seems both she and her husband are equally nice folks and I am blessed to have them both in my life.
Though I have known SM longer and on some level feel he is a much more realistic person than she is. I feel he hides a lot of his true emotions on some level and is afraid of what she/his wife will think of him if he were to actually tell the whole truth of who he his to his wife.
It makes me feel sad for Him in a way. Sometimes, even though we love our partners deeply, we can still be stuck in situations are not 100% favorable for us and that is the feeling I get when I talk to Him.
At any rate, it is not my place to tell how I might feel or don't feel about his relationship. Something I do find mighty peculiar about our conversations though is when he is finished talking to me he leaves the window open and goes to sleep, like he wants his wife to find it and read it though at times we talk about some very personal things. I guess there are just some things I will be able to speak to him about and some things I will not be able to talk to him about. End of story.

On another topic, it is saturday morning and I want to talk to Lano soooo bad. I've actually thought about calling Lano's pone number but I know it is not in my best interest. Most likely his mother will answer and I will just hear a bunch of lies anyway. Lano is working. Lano is jacking off somewhere *laughs*. Whatever excuse she makes, Lano will be doing something, anything, but not available for talk.. so why try? Even if i did get through to him, what would I say? Why do you continue to lie to me? hah. Really there is no point in calling except for more self-abuse.
If anything, I really need to work on getting this guy out of my heart and mind, not sitting here pouting cause I cannot call Him.

Oh my Beloved: Take me, Liberate my soul, Fill me with Your Love!

Love and Light
embrisa/pamela