Yesterday I felt so lonely for Lano, so so boxed in.. that I felt I just HAD to tell Him that I "loved Him."
After not talking to Him for two months, I seriously doubted that He would answer the phone. I was totally ready to speak to His mother, to be told the same thing I am always told. That Lano is not home, that He is working.. blah blah, whatever.
But when Lano answered the phone it totally caught me off guard. When I heard His voice, my heart started beating a million beats a second. My goodness He has the sexiest sounding voice I ever heard in my entire life. I started shaking and within mere seconds, i hung up the phone. *whimpers to herself*
I'm not even sure I had time to think about what exactly I was doing. I just know it was so unexpected.
Now I sit here and cuss myself out. An opportunity like that does not come around often. I may never get the chance to tell Him that I love Him again. It makes me sad and it makes me cry.
I know our relationship working out was not totally all His fault, no matter how much I'd like to blame Him. It feels my heart is broken into a thousand little pieces of dust, floating all over the universe.
Wouldn't be nice if such things as ESP really worked. If we could really concentrate on a person and send they would actually get the message we sending to them? Ahh If only it were so.
I am so sick of dealing with men that are liars and a*ses in general. It makes me miss Lano all the more. I've said it a million times and i'll say it a million times more. Lano might of had his problems, but at least Lano knew how to treat me like a friend. At least on some level there was a connection. One that is not easy to find with just anybody. I wonder lots if he ever mises me like i miss Him, but I doubt it. I guess He has lots of girls to take my place. Finding a connection for Him isn't hard I don't guess.
Arrrgh. I've cried so much I've given myself a headache.
I miss You Lano
Always Yours,
Pamela.
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