It seems that my wonderful insurance company has been doing a study on me behind my back. LOL. Which I find kind of funny, but also pisses me off a great deal.
For the past some odd months there has been a lady from the insurance company calling my house, chatting with me. I thought she was just calling to check up on my well being, to see how I am doing, etc. But seems there was other motives behind this. Since I am a diabetic with neuropathy and several other things wrong with me due to being a diabetic, I never found depression too strange. Afterall, when one is dealing with several health problems it can and often does get the best of them on occasion -- Not to mention being heartbroken from an a*s liar.
I think there was one time I was talking to this lady from the insurance company and I was telling her I was having a hard time sleeping, sometimes going days without sleep. She didn't seem to make a big issue about it but asked me some questions about it and how I felt after not sleeping for such a long period of time, etc.
Then yesterday at my regular scheduled Dr's appt. He pulled out a letter from the insurance company telling Him that I was part of a study and blah blah, he did not hide the letter.. laid it right on the desk in front of me and even allowed me to read it after listening to my heart. On it it said that they come to the conclusion that I was Bipolar and though I had denied any help regarding seeing a therapist for my depression they were hoping my doctor would talk to me and see if he could talk me into scheduling an appt with a therapist now that they had come to the conclusion I was a Bipolar.
I went to several websites that had information on it regarding Bipolar and read all I could read about Bipolar and it just does not fit me. Just because I have trouble sleeping from time to time does not make me a bipolar. That is the only thing I could see that even came close to linking me to being a bipolar. Other than that, I do not have really UP moods with really DOWN moods, etc. I mean if i am depressed, i stay depressed. It is not followed by a swing of a really UP period where I want to swing from a tree or i'm so up that I go get myself in trouble with the law. LOL. Or i become overly obsessed by sex or any of the other things that was mentioned. It just is not me, unless I am blind and some woman whom I never met and just talked to me on the phone a few times can pick up. I do not know.
I have taken these online tests before offered by drug companies and such before, but never for being a Bipolar, just for depression. I've always scored: You suffer from Major depression. Go get help. Duh. like I didn't know this.
Tonight, I took a test on Bipolarism and was only able to answer one question yes and it was the question on sleep. According to that, it said if you can even answer one question yes you should at least be checked out by a mental health care worker. blah. Like if they can help me when most of them suffer from major depression or Bipolarism themselves.
This is what gets me. How can these people possibly help another when their own lives are a total and absolute wreck?
I remember back in the early 1990's when my mother first passed away and I was so messed up from that I actually went and sought help from a therapist. I think that woman was more messed up than I was and it seemed 1/2 of my sessions were spent talking about herself and how unhappy she was and how she could not wait to be done with her schooling and this and that. Like this is what I was paying money for?
Another time I went and tried it, with some old hag of a lady.. she told me I could possibly still not be depressed over my mothers death, that it had been too long.. but for some, mourning the passing of somebody who was everything to you can take years.. maybe a lifetime. But she said absolutely not. She dug everywhere in my life except where she needed to be. That is why i am so dead set against going to see any therapist. But I did make a promise to my Dr that I would go, just for him. Not for the stupid lady on the phone. Not for some guy who wrote my Dr. saying He was doing a study on me, but for my Dr and myself. I guess I owe it to myself to at least know if i am a bipolar or not, though I greatly suspect I am not.
I know I will not speak to the lady at the insurance company again. She makes you think she is talking to You because she cares how you are doing, how is your general welfare, etc... yet in all that time they are just conducting a study on you.. you are nothing more than a guinea pig to them. I guess I should of known -- because it seems in this life, nobody genuinely cares about nobody unless there are motives.
Maybe someday I will learn what happened to LOVE on this planet.
I'm done ranting and raving for now...
embrisa/pamela.
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