Well, I thought things were going a little bit better since I was sharing my feelings about my sleep, etc. Even been sleeping a bit better on a more regular basis without no horrifying dreams or anything too weird happening...
But last night upon wakening, I went to feed my fish and noticed some water around the bowl. hmm this is strange I thought. So like a total idiot I picked up the fish bowl to have a check and no sooner than I picked it up, the whole thing completely shattered. Water, sand and my poor little fishy landing in a pile at my feet and to make matters worse, while the fish bowl is breaking, it is cutting big gashes into my fingers. So on top of all that mess I am bleeding like crazy and blood is going all over my brand new off-white carpet. *sighs*
So I can tell today that a few of my fingers need stitches. They will not quit bleeding and the gashes are so deep you can see the insides of my fingers. But I have no way to get to the hospital unless I call and ambulance and I don't think I want to call and ambulance for two fingers. I am able to drive, but not sure I can do it when I have to shift gears and bleed all over. Who knows, it might be fun.
I've kept them wrapped up in clean linens, but if the linens dry even in the slightest bit it causes the wounds to bleed all over again. Ugggh. Lets see, I've also tried bandages and gauze with the same outcome.
I feel really, really angry.. because my life just seems to be one hellish event after another and I do not know why. I've never done nothing to hurt anybody. I've always been a very shy, quiet person. Kept to myself for the most part. Never had a lot of friends, but the friends I did have I always adored and kept close to my heart. Though there were always the ones who always hurt me or used me or went out of their way to steal my boyfriend away or something of that nature.
It makes me wonder about Karma. I've always been a firm believer in karma. But what the heck is it truly? Just something us innocent people get beat up from from past lives, something we don't even remember... while the true a*sholes of this world walk around hurting people, abusing people, lying to others.. like Lano, with no consequences on their lives?
And what about God? Even God does not love the righteous? *sigh* I feel very confused. He loves us so darn much that he allows those who practice evil to hurt us? Where is the justice in all of this? The world is not made up of justice I do not guess. The truly righteous people get kicked in the stomach by things like karma, God, and even Aholes like Lano.
I feel like that one guy in the bible, cannot remember his name right now.. the one who satan wants to see if through no matter what, the guy will stick by God.. so God agrees and they put this poor guy through all kinds of hellish tests. Disease, death, just about everything one can think of and they do it to this guy... wish I could remember his name. I feel like a rock head for not being able to right now. Anyway, that is how my life feels.
Lano would love this, if he ever read it... since he loves the devil soooo much. I always pissed him off because I never believed in satan. I always said satan was our own egos and hell was right here on earth. Ohh i used to piss him off so badly at me when i talked that way. How could I possibly believe in a God and not a satan? hmmm. Maybe I need to re-think my own thinking.
Anyway, enough complaining and griping from me. I need to figure out what to do with my day and my fingers and I need to figure out what to do with my poor fish who is swimming around in the tiny cup that I bought him in.
Peace and love, Embrisa.
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