My summer I spent trying to straighten myself out a bit. It is hard to believe it is almost the middle of August and before I know it it will be snowing here in Colorado, just a few short months away. uggh.
Alot has changed for me. I am still steadily losing weight. I hardly recognize myself anymore when I look in the mirror. Men actually look at me now and flirt with me and I love being able to fit into clothes that I never could of dreamed of wearing before.
I have also been seeing a psychologist now for a couple months, perhaps a little longer. I'm not sure if it has helped me or not, but it does give me somebody to talk to and somebody I can sit and cry in front of that does not back away from me or feel she has to say anything to me, which was kind of strange at first but really it is not so bad to have somebody focused on you and listening. (One can hope they are listening anyway.)
We've talked about so many things regarding me, I actually understand myself a bit more now than I ever did in the past and the last time I met with her I actually talked to her about Lano. It was embarassing to admit that I fell in love with a man over the internet, somebody I had never met before.. but spoke to for 5 years of my life. She helped me understand why I could of fell in love with somebody like him and reminded me that I did not need a man in my life who drank excessively or one who could not live up to his words.
We also spoke about how I felt it might of been my fault that things never worked out because I never got up and followed my dreams and went to south africa. Of course, He's always said I was invited there, but even with that he never followed through.. so it was not my fault at all that I never went to south africa.
Sometimes it is strange to have somebody put things into reality for you when you just cannot see it.
I still walk around cursing him out under my breath and hating him for what he's done to me. I actually tried to call his home a few weeks ago, but like usual his mother told me he was not at home, he was at his uncles. Yeah, uh huh... tell me more bull crap lies. I doubt Lano is any place where he cannot drink like the little pig that he is.
Enough of that. I also got a job. *faints* only working part time and am trying to get another at the moment, something that would make me much more happier. So I have my fingers crossed that it comes through for me.
I hope everybody in the blogging world is hanging tuff. I miss reading my favorite bloggs and keeping up with the people that I loved to hear about.
May peace and love always surround You and guide You,
Pamela/embrisa.
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