What We Have Discoverd About Me So Far

As of Today, April 18th 2005 The things we (I) have discovered about myself (Pamela) through silly online quizzes, some which may be true and some which may not be true include:

1. That I should be a "Buddist", If I am not one already.
2. That my inner European is "Dutch". Not bad since my mummy was Dutch.
3. That my Seduction style is "Natural" LOL.
4. My Personality Disorder is a bit "Dependent" :)
5. My Irish Name is "Eva O'Leary" Hah. Gotta Love it.
6. That my Element is "Water" .
7. That my Sign of Affection is a "Cuddle and a Kiss On the Forehead".
8. That I am an "Intelligent Loner" .
9. And Last but not least, I am most like the Greek God "Nemesis" :)

So that is who I am so far, according to the online quizzes. :) Some I knew, some I just never would of guessed. hehehe. oh boy.

Update: I wrote Lano's mother the Thank You note. Don't know if she will get it. Don't know if she will read it or even pass the thank you along to Lano, but hey, I tried.

In the end, when I was calling and asking for Lano, she was not passing my calls on to Lano and telling him that I called. The only way he would find out is if he would contact me and I'd say well I tried to call You last weekend or whatever and your mother said she would tell you. Then we would both find out at that time that no message was ever passed along to him. Oh well, if it was not meant to be, then it was not meant to be. There is nothing I nor anybody else can do to change the course of the future.

Everyday, Every hour, I still miss him dearly in my life. I wish more than anything that he would get his act together. That he would quit drinking. Quit abusing pills. Quit abusing Himself and realize there is somebody in this world that loves Him a whole lot and needs him.

But alas, he used to always tell me.. I do not even love myself. How can I fully love you? Or what was his other famous line? *thinks* I cannot remember now.. 6:15 am in the morning and no sleep. I am drawing a blank. But something similar.

Anyway, could of very well just of been excuses so he could get out of being with me. But somehow I doubt it. I just do not know. Men are hard to figure out. But i do know, that if he truly wanted to be with me, he would be with me. period. Nothing would hold him back. Men who are truly in love, do not hide away for months or make up silly excuses or none of that BS.

So everyday I struggle to win back my heart. But it has been no easy task. Maybe someday I shall forgot completely about him. I shall forgot all the things that we have in common. I shall forget how i crave what he craves. I shall forget it all. Maybe then he will be truly happy?

I have to go cry now.

embrisa/pamela.